The Almighty Sprug: Gulliver's Eyewitness Account of the Quaint Economy of Lilliput Read online

finish their migration north leaving several of their flock dead on the island. The birds had not died from the wind, but from some sort of mysterious illness, and a few days’ later people began to fall deathly ill with some sort of aviary plague. The healthy people on Blefuscu soon recovered, but within a month the half of the population already weakened by overweight and sickness were dead and buried at sea.

  Then, with colder weather, the plague ended as quickly as it began, leaving Blefuscu stunned with half its people dead. The hardy survivors gathered themselves up, and decided to go back to work and continue their Garden of Eden using the Chug. But not everyone was of this mind. When word came to Blefuscu that the people of Lilliput had survived totally untouched by the plague, many Blefuscuians were shocked and began to grumble.

  After all, they said, Blefuscuians had prayed to their Heavenly God for salvation, and dutifully offered Him a daily votive of a tenth of their production, while the people of Lilliput worshipping The Almighty Sprug had survived unscathed. Many urged the emperor of Blefuscu to convert Blefuscu to an economic theocracy, and issue Sprugs, arguing it was apparent that the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug was more powerful and benevolent than their Heavenly God.

  But the Emperor, still very jealous of his imperial power, had no desire to give away his imperial power, and allow clever peasants to accumulate it and make him a puppet, and rested on his oars. But, while the people and emperor on Blefuscu went back to work to continue their Garden of Eden, the Anointed on Lilliput had a quite different idea.

  With word that Blefuscu had been dealt a serious blow by the plague, the Anointed on Lilliput organized a mercenary army of adventurers, added a band of missionaries of The Almighty Sprug, and sent them off to invade Blefuscu and convert it to an economic theocracy with the hope the Anointed of Lilliput could rule both islands.

  X

  The Conquest and

  Conversion to Theocracy

  Lilliput had just discovered gunpowder, and invading Blefuscu appeared a sure bet. Blefuscu was quickly subdued, but it wasn’t the cannon and blunderbuss that did the trick. It was the introduction to the people of Blefuscu of the exquisite joy of using the raw power of The Almighty Sprug.

  The missionaries allowed Blefuscuians to have hands on experience of using Sprugs to see how it turned the dry economics of a Garden of Eden into a wonderful and exciting new game. Word of this wonder spread to towns ahead of the invaders, and weakened any resolve at defense.

  Once subdued, it wasn’t long before the majority of the little people on Blefuscu craved the use of the raw unlimited power of Sprugs like the Lilliputians; and very soon they were to clamoring to convert Blefuscu into an economic theocracy and flood their island with these wonderful Sprugs.

  Under a real threat of being overthrown, the Emperor relented, and signed a Charter converting his realm to an economic theocracy directed by the Anointed under the influence of the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug, and began issuing Sprugs to pay Blefuscu’s bureaucracy, its army and navy and war material industry, and etc.

  The missionaries, seeing the chance of a lifetime, deserted their ties to Lilliput and eagerly joined in the new game of economics on Blefuscu; and, being experienced users of Sprugs, they quickly became the foundation of the Anointed on Blefuscu. Most of the families of the Anointed on Blefuscu when I arrived could trace their ancestry to these clever fellows. The missionaries had come with the intention to “do good,” and wound up “doing real good.”

  Of course, the conversion to an economic theocracy marked the end of the Garden of Eden on Blefuscu just as it had on Lilliput. And naturally a High Heel party and Low Heel party appeared, and Blefuscu settled into a Sprug driven society. And, just as on Lilliput, the majority of Blefuscuians had jobs and prospered, and never wanted to return to the humdrum prosperity of the Garden of Eden.

  Saint Karl Patron

  Saint of Blefuscu

  XI

  The Subtle Difference

  Between Blefuscu and Lilliput

  While to the untrained eye the behavior of the little people of Blefuscu might appear the same as the behavior of the people of Lilliput, there was a subtle difference. Perhaps, because they had lived in a Garden of Eden much longer, the Blefuscuians weren’t devout followers of Saint Adam. Blefuscuians chose to adopt the more compassionate Gospel of Saint Karl, and generally supported the Low Heels. The High Heels were there and ready to serve, but had fewer members in Blefuscu’s Parliament.

  So Blefuscu Low Heels adopted regulations and taxes to require its Anointed to “trickle down” enough to allow everyone a job, a roof over their head, and medical treatment.Many Anointed, upset by this, left Blefuscu and moved to Lilliput where there were fewer regulations and taxes, but most soon returned. They found Blefuscu’s society more stable, healthier, taking more pride in their work, and enjoying cooperation with other workers. Thus business was more profitable and worth the regulations and taxes.

  So, while the Blefuscuians worshipped The Almighty Sprug and enjoyed the thrill of using the raw power of Sprugs like the Lilliputians, when I was there they didn’t have the unemployed, poor and homeless on Blefuscu as on Lilliput. Working people had more holidays and medical treatment, and when workers grew old they received a salary from the government and spent their old age quite happily.

  However, the most noticeable difference was the fact that, unlike Lilliput, the little people of Blefuscu declared their Parliament a vital area, forbidding its members from taking bribes and selling their votes for Sprugs. Campaigns for office in Parliament on Blefuscu were limited to six weeks, and no more, and the Emperor of Blefuscu provided every candidate a free platform and handbills to explain his position.

  As a result members of Blefuscu’s Parliament were not as deeply under the influence of the “invisible hand” as on Lilliput, tended to retain some vestige of compassion for their constituents and interest in their problems, and resist some of the influence of the Anointed.

  But all was not well on Blefuscu for the Low Heels had created their more compassionate economy on Blefuscu with a Public Credit Bubble, and unable to issue more Sprugs because it would reduce faith in the Sprug, the social benefits on Blefuscu were constantly increasing the Public Credit Bubble. By the time I arrived, Blefuscuians were beginning to worry that there was no way to issue enough Sprugs to pay off the Public debt without destroying faith in their Sprugs and inflating prices.

  So Blefuscuians were electing more High Heels who, as expected, were at work to severely cut the social benefits, and reduce the regulations and taxes of the Anointed. So I suspect, with the growing power of the High Heels, it wouldn’t be long before unemployment, poverty, and the homeless will appear on Blefuscu as they had on Lilliput.

  I afraid I can’t tell you much more about Blefuscu. The Emperor of Blefuscu refused to pay for my care, and when I did go there on official business for the Emperor of Lilliput, I had to take my own food, and care for myself. Despite this, everywhere I went I was treated with silent resentment, so I stayed mostly on Lilliput and had to rely upon hearsay about conditions on Blefuscu, and the direction they were headed.

  XII

  The Dissenters

  Every theocracy is plagued by dissenters and the economic theocracy of Lilliput was no exception. While most people on both islands worshipped The Almighty Sprug and believed its “invisible hand” had led them into the best of all possible worlds, there were some who didn’t agree. I’ll quote a few of their thoughts from memory:

  “The love of the Sprug is the root of all evil.”

  “The introduction of the Sprug into society was a disaster for it causes good people to do bad acts.”

  “If you make the Sprug a God, it will plague you like the devil.”

  “Power corrupts and the absolute raw power of The Almighty Sprug corrupts absolutely.”

  “Lilliput’s Parliament is the best that Sprugs can buy.

  THE ECONOSCIENTISTS; The d
issenting point of view was also held by a group of well-organized econoscientists, the scientists that had organized the economy during the Golden Age of Blefuscu, but now were limited to organizing vital areas for the Anointed. These people believed both islands should return to using the limited power of the Chug. Naturally I was curious, and wanted to hear more, but my friends in high places dissuaded me.

  I didn’t think further of the matter again until one warm and very dark night when I had gone to the seashore to stretch out to listen to the surf and dream of England. I had just become comfortable when I heard a movement at my head. At first I thought it was an animal that had strayed onto the beach, but it turned out to be a lady econoscientist who, after introducing herself, asked me not to speak or look in her direction.

  I nodded agreement, relaxed on my back with my head on my hands, and listened to what turned out to be a well-rehearsed monologue: “Let me begin,” she said, “by saying that we econoscientists don’t believe the Sprug is a God; or that it has a ‘mysterious invisible hand.’ The Sprug is merely a piece of paper granting the bearer raw imperial power, and our craving or greed for that raw power is the “invisible hand” that drives our economy.

  “We’re a sick society,” she continued. “When we have all