The Almighty Sprug: Gulliver's Eyewitness Account of the Quaint Economy of Lilliput Read online

Remains of a Sprug

  II

  Birth of The

  Almighty Sprug And

  End of Garden of Eden

  Long celebrated as the moment marking the beginning of their modern civilization, the emperor issued an edict that shifted responsibility for storing the tithe from the aristocracy to the peasant. The edict read that, henceforth, peasants would have to store their tithe in good condition until they received a Sprug – the Lilliputian word for a Note of Demand – at which time the peasant was to deliver his tithe to “the bearer” in good condition, and keep the Sprug as a receipt.

  The peasants were stunned by the edict. They didn’t want to store the tithe on their property and suffer the stink. They felt that was the responsibility of the aristocracy, but the penalty for not complying was fierce. So, to be safe, the little people stopped producing anything unless they could be sure they would receive a Sprug, and production on Lilliput slowed to a crawl.

  Fields were left fallow, farm animals were slaughtered, and workers wandered about without jobs because factories also had to close for the lack of Sprugs. Production slowed to the amount of Sprugs available, and towns that had been a center of the noisy assembly of wagons and boats fell quiet. In one grand edict, designed to end the tithe and the stink it created, the emperor had also ended the Garden of Eden, and the Lords and Ladies were beside themselves with joy.

  At first there was so much grumbling among the peasants because of the edict that the frightened emperor mobilized his army with orders to shoot to kill to enforce his edict. But, privately, because of the unrest, the Emperor was actually considering rescinding his edict, and executing the High Heel that had come up with the terrible suggestion. He didn’t want to lose his throne over a few stinking castles.

  But to the emperor’s complete surprise; and the relief of the guilty High Heel, the grumbling among the Lilliputians abruptly quieted, and was replaced with a lot of strange bickering among the peasants. Then the emperor’s spies reported something quite unexpected. Instead of grumbling about the advent of the Sprug and the condition it created, the tiny people had suddenly fallen in love with it.

  The reason for this change among his people was his peasants had discovered, by issuing Sprugs, the Emperor had unintentionally given the peasants a far more wonderful thing than the prosperity of a Garden of Eden. He had given the peasants a taste of using imperial power, and they had quickly fallen so in love with the thrilling experience, that they didn’t want a return to the boring Garden of Eden.

  SPUR BECOMES LILLIPUT’S MEDIUM OF EXHANGE; Peasants discovered that, once they got a Sprug as a receipt for their tithe, they could then use the Sprug to imperially demand a tithe from a neighbor. Peasants had never experienced such joy. Even more wonderful, they found neighbors were overjoyed to trade goods for a Sprug as a receipt. Everywhere on the island peasants were passing Sprugs around like crazy.

  The peasants liked to get Sprugs, they liked to accumulate them, they liked to expend them for goods and services, they liked to talk about using Sprugs, and they even liked to read about their use by others on Lilliput. New journals and books began to pop up all over the island and experts began giving seminars on using the imperial power of the Sprug. The advent of the Sprug had created a revolution that was to change Lilliput forever.

  In fact, after the edict introducing the Sprug into society, the tiny people no longer thought about producing goods and services. All they thought about now was getting more Sprugs and experiencing the exquisite pleasure of their raw imperial power, spending them and saving them and getting the wonderful feeling of importance it gave. It wasn’t long before people began to refer to it as The Almighty Sprug because of its power over people, and the power it gave people over their neighbors.

  In short, the advent of the Sprug had transformed Lilliput’s economy from a humdrum and highly organized Garden of Eden where prosperity came so easily, into a wonderful and exciting new game of chance where one could win and lose. As soon as they got up in the morning, peasants began scheming and dreaming of ways to get more Sprugs, and enjoying the sense of power possessing them provided.

  As for the emperor, he had discovered a wonderful new way to run Lilliput’s economy without having to bother organizing it or worrying about stimulating people to work. If he wanted something done, all he had to do was issue Sprugs and it got done immediately with no grumbling. With the magical Sprug he could run his economy without human thought.

  But the emperor soon discovered his great idea had backfired on him. By issuing a Sprug, he was permanently issuing a portion of his imperial power, and very soon clever peasants discovered ways to accumulate that power. And, by using them to bribe Parliament, the clever peasants took over control, not only of the economy, but of Lilliputian politics as well.

  By the time I got there Lilliput’s Emperor was merely a puppet in his own empire. Finding himself practically dethroned, the emperor attempted to cancel all Sprugs he’d issued, but in the attempt he nearly lost his head in one of the most violent upheavals in Lilliput’s history. Every peasant and aristocrat who owned Sprugs took to the streets shouting all kinds of obscenities, and the frightened Emperor backed off.

  Thereafter, no Emperor ever tried to cancel or tamper with Sprugs again. Lilliput was to be forever after governed by the raw imperial power of The Almighty Sprug in the hands of clever peasants who knew how to accumulate them. And by the time I arrived the Emperor and his aristocracy were all busy marrying off their sons and daughters to these new masters of Lilliput.

  III

  Lilliput Chartered

  An Economic Theocracy

  Theocracy: A form of organization in which a deity is recognized as the supreme ruler, the deity’s laws being interpreted by Anointed authorities – a system of government by Anointed claiming a divine commission.

  Official Legal Definition

  By Lilliput Parliamentarians

  It was not long after the birth of the Sprug before an eminent scholar named Adam noticed the social revolution that had taken place with its advent, and wrote a book that became The Bible of the Lilliputians. Later elevated to sainthood, Adam observed that the Sprug was not the lifeless object it appeared, but was actually a living God with a mysterious “invisible hand” that Anointed clever people to carry out its godly will.

  Adam recommended that the Lilliputians recognize The Almighty Sprug as supreme ruler of their nation, and allow those Anointed by its “invisible hand” to have complete freedom from any regulation or taxation so they can interpret the will of The Almighty Sprug, grow rich and powerful, “trickle down” benefits to the rest of society, and lead Lilliput into the best of all possible worlds.

  Saint Adam’s revelation stunned the Lilliputians. A new God had appeared in their midst with a mystical “invisible hand” that Anointed clever people to carry out its will, and, if they followed the orders of the Anointed, benefits would simply “trickle down.” And the most exciting thing of all was this God wasn’t an undependable person up in the clouds, but was here on earth dependably demonstrating its power every day and could be held in one’s hand, and locked in a strong box.

 

  Quite naturally the Anointed of the Heavenly God who had been in total control of Lilliput society before the advent of The Almighty Sprug were extremely jealous of the new power of the Anointed of its “invisible hand.” They lost no time to begin preaching against the people’s worship of this new pagan god; and against its Anointed as evil charlatans that took advantage of the Lilliputian poor.

  But the Anointed of the Heavenly God totally underestimated the power and popularity of the Anointed of The Almighty Sprug, and, after several of their holinesses went missing and were never heard of again, they suddenly announced that intense prayer had provided a totally new revelation that had changed their minds.

  They claimed it had been revealed to them that the Sprug was not the pagan god they had assumed, but was actually an earthly
manifestation of the Heavenly God. This revelation relieved the tension between the Anointed of the Heavenly God and the Anointed of its earthly manifestation, and the Anointed of the two forms of the same God struck a formal Concordat.

  It was agreed in the Concordat that henceforth Lilliputians would worship the Heavenly God on Sunday, and worship The Almighty Sprug the other six days of the week. The Anointed of the Heavenly God agreed to support the Anointed of the Sprug in return for liberal donations, and the Anointed ministers of the two forms of the same God became forever reconciled.

  THE SECTS; By the time I arrived the Anointed of The Almighty Sprug had taken complete control of Lilliput and, with bribes, reduced the Anointed of the Heavenly God to their sycophants. Not only did they control the church and economy, but, by bribing Parliament, the Anointed of The Almighty Sprug quietly controlled its politics. But all was still not tranquil, for, by the time I arrived, Lilliput’s theocracy had become divided into three distinct hostile sects:

  The Sect of Saint Adam was the most devout. The High Heels had immediately adopted Adam as Patron Saint of their party, and petitioned the emperor to formally charter Lilliput’s economy as a theocracy directed by The Anointed Ministers of the “invisible hand”