The Almighty Sprug: Gulliver's Eyewitness Account of the Quaint Economy of Lilliput Read online

of The Almighty Sprug. The Emperor, by this time a mere puppet, agreed to sign the Charter.

  The High Heels then dedicated their party to the holy task of protecting the Anointed of the Heavenly God and the Anointed of its earthly manifestation from regulation and taxes so the Anointed of both forms of their God would grow rich and powerful, and “trickle down” benefits and lead Lilliput into the best of all possible worlds.

  The Sect of Saint Karl arose not long after Lilliput was formally chartered as an economic theocracy. A reformer, Saint Karl was in general agreement with Saint Adam that Lilliput’s economy should be organized as a theocracy directed by the Anointed ministers of the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug.

  But Saint Karl preached that it’s too much to believe mere mortals could handle the raw Sprug power without become corrupt, so he preached that the people needed to regulate the behavior of the Anointed to remind them to “trickle down” enough to allow peasants to enjoy the best of all possible worlds.

  The Low Heels quickly adopted Saint Karl as Patron Saint of their party, and began a crusade to put his gospel into action. They managed to get Parliament to override the High Heels and pass laws taxing and regulating the Anointed, and pass laws regulating hours, conditions, and salaries of workers. But the High Heels naturally opposed all such actions as blasphemy and battled for repeal.

  The Sect of Saint Vladimir arose as a result of oppressive behavior of the Anointed and the failure of the Low Heel regulations to stop it. Saint Vladimir was in full agreement that Lilliput should be organized as a theocracy directed by the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug, but he preached that the workers of Lilliput needed to forcefully replace its Anointed with a Central Committee made up of members of the All Heels.

  The All Heel party adopted Saint Vladimir as their Patron Saint, and went on a crusade to put his gospel into action. But, unfortunately, whenever the All Heels gained power – after they had cleared the deck by killing the Anointed and turning their Sprugs over to the Central Committee – the control of the raw and unlimited power of the Sprugs taken from the Anointed always corrupted the Central Committee.

  Furthermore the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug refused to communicate with a Central Committee not of its choosing, and the Central Committee always ran the economy on a reef. So, after a cleansing by the All Heels, the little people would return the High Heels to power to “privatize” the economy and the cycle would start over again.

  The Dissenters: There were econoscientists who didn’t believe the Sprug was a God or that it had an “invisible hand” – and believed that the people shouldn’t be using the Sprug as a medium of exchange. But, as in all thriving theocracies, they were effectively silenced by the Anointed. They certainly had no voice in Lilliput when I was there, but I will have more to say about them at the end of my report in Part III.

  Saint Adam

  Patron Saint of Lilliput

 

  IV

  Life in Lilliput’s

  Economic Theocracy

  “WE THE PEOPLE of Lilliput by popular acclaim declare that The Empire of Lilliput shall henceforth be ruled by the Anointed of the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug, and the Emperor shall enact no laws or regulations or taxes without the advice of its Anointed and consent of Parliament.”

  Preamble of Lilliput’s Magna Carta

  The Charter of Lilliput’s economic theocracy clearly stated the emperor needed the advice of the Anointed and the consent of Parliament to pass laws, regulations and taxes. Since Scripture of the Charter gave Parliament the last word, and the Parliament was elected by the people, it would appear the Charter created a democracy and not a theocracy.

  And this was exactly how the Charter was sold to the Lilliputians, and, after approval, the democratic elections to Parliament became one of the main amusements of the little people. Candidates would spew all sorts of nasty accusations and twisted facts to make their opponents look badly – all relished by the people – and as soon as one election was over, the people couldn’t wait for the next campaign to begin. Of course, the democratic elections were rigged, for it cost many Sprugs to run for office, and, with no guarantee of winning, candidates either had to be a member of the Anointed, or take bribes. But elections were great theatre and the best actor or the physically most appealing always got elected. However, having a Parliament with the last word did not create a democracy.

  In drafting the Charter the High Heels had made sure one of its much touted “Freedoms” gave the Anointed the right to bribe members of Parliament, and, since they had most of the Sprugs, they did so profusely. So at any one time the lobby of Parliament would be full of agents of the Anointed buying votes, so things politically and economically got settled on Lilliput, not by members of Parliament, but by the agents of the Anointed.

  Furthermore, since Parliament was officially responsible for the management and distribution of enormous sums of the raw power of Sprugs obtained by taxes, members of Parliament quickly fell under the influence of the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug, and very quickly after taking office couldn’t be told from the Anointed.

  So, in practice, the Charter publicly touted as a document creating democracy in Lilliput, actually created a theocracy. But, once the system was in operation, most Lilliputians didn’t care that they’d been hoodwinked. They got so much exquisite pleasure using the raw power of the Sprug; most managed to be convinced that the Charter had created a democracy, and the best of all possible worlds.

  THREE EXCITING ADVANTAGES OF ECONOMIC THEOCRACY; Lilliputians, prompted by all three parties, could readily recite the three exciting advantages of living in Lilliput’s economic theocracy:

  1. Simplicity: Everyone loved to point out how the advent of The Almighty Sprug and the Charter converting Lilliput into an economic theocracy had totally simplified economic and political life in Lilliput. Before the advent of the Sprug the Lilliputians had to worry about their sense of pride in their work, their sense of duty to the society and spent much work and thought at organizing and regulating their economy.

  Now with the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug driving the economy, the little people reveled in the fact there was no longer any need to be concerned with these matters. The little people now merely had to do as they were told by the Anointed, and the Anointed, directed by the mysterious “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug, grew rich and powerful and “tickled down” benefits to the rest of society to create the best of all possible worlds.

  The High Heels found it made their job simpler as well, for they found they no longer needed to think or develop economic or political programs. All they had to do was simply fight Low Heel efforts to regulate and tax the Anointed, and fight Low Heel attempts to twist the meaning of The Scripture of the Charter to get in the way of the Anointed. In other words, the High Heels found they had to do nothing, and see to it that the Low Heels did the same

  .

  2. Equal Opportunity: The High Heels especially loved to boast that, because the raw power of the Sprug circulated freely in the economy without regulation, the Charter had turned Lilliput into a “land of free enterprise” where everyone willing to work – even the lowest born peasant – had an equal opportunity to accumulate Sprugs, become an Anointed, and live in imperial splendor once reserved only for the hereditary aristocracy.

  Whenever reciting this advantage in public, the High Heels would unfurl the Lilliputian flag, and the peasants would doff their caps, hold it over their hearts, and give thanks to The Almighty Sprug, and the Anointed, and the High Heels for providing them with such democratic conditions. The High Heels would especially recite this advantage whenever they cut old age pensions, medical treatment, and other government benefits for the peasants – since these were now unnecessary because everyone had the opportunity to get rich and pay for them on their own.

  However, the Low Heels tended to muddy the waters in this case an
d play spoilsports. They would note that, while it was true under the Charter everyone seemed to have an equal opportunity to accumulate the raw power of Sprugs, something had gone very wrong. They noted the puzzling fact that 80% of Sprug power on the island wound up under the control of just 4% of the population, and, in most cases, these few hadn’t earned the Sprugs, but had inherited them.

  But, whenever the Low Heels pointed to this fact, the High Heels would accuse them of blasphemy and of attempting to incite social and class unrest. The High Heels would point out that this concentration of Sprugs was to be expected, for the “invisible hand” of The Almighty Sprug in its mysterious wisdom had anointed this 4% with the ability to accumulate its raw power and use it to grow rich and powerful, “trickle down” benefits, and create the best of all possible worlds for Lilliput.

  3. An Exciting Game: For most Lilliputians the best advantage wrought by the advent of The Almighty Sprug and the conversion of Lilliput into an economic theocracy was the fact they were no longer enslaved in a highly organized and boring Garden of Eden. Now, under the influence of the “invisible hand,” Lilliput’s economy had been transformed into an exciting game of chance, and all it took to