The Almighty Sprug: Gulliver's Eyewitness Account of the Quaint Economy of Lilliput Read online

play in this exciting game was to be born lucky enough to live in Lilliput under the Charter, and do as they were told by the Anointed.

  In this case both the Low Heels and All Heels played as spoilsports. They claimed the exciting game was “rigged” because the Anointed tended to do all the winning. But strangely enough the peasants didn’t seem to care. They saw the uncertainty as all part of the excitement and were pleased to play the game with the “big boys,” who soon became their admired and personal heroes.

  THREE MODEST PROBLEMS; Every thrilling game has to have problems for winners to resolve, and the exciting game of chance provided by using The Almighty Sprug and living in an economic theocracy was no exception. Most Lilliputians knew of the problems, and each had his own secret way of trying to overcoming them. Since understanding a game requires understanding the problems to be resolved, let me explain at some length the three main problems that had to be overcome to prosper on Lilliput0.

  V

  The Faith Problem

  The first problem was one that crops up in every theocracy – the vexing problem of trying to maintain the tiny people’s faith in the Almighty Sprug so the system would work. In fact, when Lilliput was chartered as a theocracy, the Emperor was very ceremoniously elevated and crowned Emperor of the Holy Lilliputian Empire and Protector of Faith in The Almighty Sprug; and everyone agreed his new role as protector of the faith was the Emperor’s most difficult and sacred duty.

  And maintaining the little people’s faith was not an easy job for, in order to do so and keep the little people’s craving for Sprugs and prices stable, the Emperor had to deliberately keep Sprugs in short supply. If he tried to issue enough Sprugs for everyone to have a job and prosper, faith in the Sprug would decline and prices would rise. One careless emperor issued too many Sprugs, and prices rose so high it took a wheelbarrow of Sprugs to buy a loaf of bread.

  Emperors soon discovered faith in the Sprug was highest and prices lowest when Sprugs were in very short supply, and faith tended to disappear and prices rise as the supply increased. And finding the perfect balance was so difficult that emperors had to appoint a High Priest of The Almighty Sprug whose sole job was to advise the Emperor how many Sprugs to spend into the economy or how many to remove by taxation.

  This exalted person employed a whole army of Soothsayers trained to search the economy for “signs” of faith in the Sprug. This was a tough job because the “invisible hand” tended to hide information from normal eyes. So the advice from the Soothsayers was never very accurate, and in the beginning faith in the Sprug and prices tended to wobble up and down like waves in a stormy sea.

  And the problem of keeping the faith stable to keep prices stable was worsened by the fact that Sprugs tended to migrate from the countryside into big cities, where so many Sprugs accumulated that faith declined and prices rose to make it almost impossible to afford to live in big cities. And, of course, the opposite occurred in the countryside where there were often not enough Sprugs to conduct any kind of production.

  But the Lilliputians didn’t mind the wobbling of faith and prices. They enjoyed reading the prognostications of Soothsayers as much as they enjoyed reading the prognostications of the Emperor’s Astrologer, and enjoyed more trying to out-guess them. And the betting on how faith and prices would wobble in the whole economy and different parts of the island became a national pastime.

  In fact, the wobbling of faith in the Sprug and prices was one of the factors that made using the raw power of the Sprug so enjoyable, and a big part of the reason the little people were glad they no longer lived in a humdrum Garden of Eden where prosperity had just kept growing as technology improved. Now they were involved in a game where the stakes were high and the playing very thrilling.

  THE CIVILIZED NORM; However, a clever emperor finally worked out a wonderful rule of thumb to determine how many Sprugs to keep in circulation to keep faith and prices reasonably stable on Lilliput. He had the Soothsayers count the number of people out of work, and the number living below the poverty line – he never called them poor – and found if he circulated just enough Sprugs to keep 90% of the people working, and 70% living above the poverty line, faith in the Sprug and prices would stay reasonably stable.

  When he revealed this rule of thumb to the public, most Lilliputians – except the unemployed and the people living below the poverty line – agreed this was a very civilized “norm.” The Emperor was relieved because he had thought that, when the people discovered that 10% of them would be condemned to be out of work, and 30% condemned to poverty, there’d be grumbling and violence, but the reverse turned out to be true.

  The little people saw the fact that people would always be left out because of the shortage of Sprugs made the economy into a truly wonderful game. It required an exciting scramble to get Sprugs before somebody else got them. So as long as Emperors maintained the “norm,” most everyone – except of course the 10% unemployed and the 30% who didn’t win – was very happy.

  And the Emperor found having ten percent of the people out of work and thirty percent living below the poverty line made for a very healthy situation, for it made the people with a job and prospering feel grateful. The Anointed also found it a wonderful thing because the threat of losing one’s job and joining the unemployed kept workers on their toes and made getting rich and powerful much easier.

  So the “norm” became a national point of reference. They didn’t use the increase or decline in production as an indication of the health of the economy. They used the norm. Whenever unemployment fell below 10% and the number of people living below the poverty line fell below 30%, the High Heels would claim the Sprug was on dangerous ground and press for a “reduction in government spending” to increase unemployment and poverty to restore “fiscal sanity.”

  On the other hand, whenever unemployment rose above 10% and the number living below the poverty line exceeded 30%, the Low Heels would get nervous and press for “increased government spending” to reduce unemployment and poverty and return to the norm and “fiscal sanity.” So the two parties kept their eye on the “norm” as the indication of the health of the economy.

  This whole focus of attention on the norm shows how the advent of The Almighty Sprug and conversion to an economic theocracy had totally changed Lilliput. During the Garden of Eden period the whole focus of the economy was to increase production to allow everyone in society to participate and prosper, but after the advent, the focus was stabilizing faith in the Sprug and prices, and production and prosperity became quite secondary.

 

  EXCEPTIONAL TIMES; There were, however, three exceptional times when the Lilliputians unleashed production regardless of the effect it had on faith and prices. During those exceptional times unemployment and poverty would almost disappear, and the Lilliputians would for a time almost recreate the conditions and prosperity they had during their Garden of Eden.

  Let me note all three exceptional times separately for they clearly indicate the fact that, had the little people wanted to put their resources to work and recreate a Garden of Eden with employment and prosperity for all, they could have done it at any time by simply ignoring faith in the Sprug and rising prices.

  A Wartime Economy: During a war or the threat of war the emperor would increase the amount of Sprugs and promises of more to produce the necessary war goods, regardless of the effect upon faith in the Sprug or prices. Out of patriotism and the excitement of war, the Lilliputians would work for the Sprugs or the government’s promise to pay in the future even though their faith in the Sprug declined and prices inflated.

  I was amazed at how quickly their economy would boom during a “good war” when they ignored faith in the Sprug and inflated prices. Factories would hum making goods and providing services to run the war and to replace them as they were blown up or sunk. And since raw materials were plentiful on the island, during a “good war” unemployment and poverty practically disappeared.

  However, eventu
ally someone would frighten the little people by noting it would be impossible to issue enough Sprugs to satisfy the promises to issue more Sprugs without totally destroying faith in the Sprug, and the Lilliputians would force the emperor to negotiate an end to the war, and call on the High Heels to “cut government spending.”

  As Sprugs became scarce and unemployment and poverty returned to the “norm,” even though faith in the Sprug had seriously declined and prices risen; there would be a general sigh of relief of the restoration of “fiscal sanity.” So after every big war faith in the Sprug would seriously decline and prices seriously rise, but they would soon forget all about the problem until the next war.

  The Private Credit Bubble: Often when the Lilliputians really wanted something, say housing, the little people would borrow Sprugs from the Anointed, and unleash production of houses. As long as this Private Credit Bubble lasted, production in that particular field would boom, and unemployment and poverty in that field practically disappear. Private Credit Bubbles produced almost as much fun and prosperity as a “good war.”

  But, again, eventually someone would note the terrible fact that there weren’t enough Sprugs in